Most of the RSS feeds on this sites are meant to be a venue for me to communicate flashes of insight on topics contained within the architectonic of Transcendental Qabala. I often find myself wanting to comment on the process as a whole, however - how I'm feeling, the gist of what I'm trying to communicate - and I hesitate to do this because I don't really have a place for it. Sometime I make comments like that in the "ENDEAVOR" feed, but that one is really supposed to be articulating a theory, not giving a personal account.
An issue I'm having right now is one that has plagued me for a long time but is particularly intense at the moment: as soon as an idea I have becomes fairly clear to me (or an idea in a book I'm reading), I'm not motivated to express it any longer. It's only the half-formed and inconsistent that can hold my attention. I do an enormous amount of tortured-and-ecstatic work making my way towards consistency, but then just as the fully articulated structure comes into focus... I passionately shift my attention to some other badly-posed question or cloudy, dubious formulation.
On the one hand, sure, the unclear is inherently more interesting, because it has a mysterious ‘not-yet’ quality to it. But I am beginning to detect that there is a certain weakness, passivity, even fearfulness in the attraction to the unclear. Never fully rendering something in an obvious and digestible form is akin to never making a firm decision - i.e. it is akin to what I designate "the hyperborean". This is very essence of the pathology of the control society: unable to will clearly, to elaborately imagine goals, to focus and concentrate, distracted by casino rewards from social media, lacking a coherent narrative, the very schizophrenized dissolution of time that leads to all the political apathy or self-righteous extremism that is in fact the very yoke of capital clouding our souls so that we cannot see God and act in the name of the Eschaton!
I owe it to other people, and to a future generation which will hopefully surpass my abilities and perhaps surpass what I’m able even to conceive and desire, to deal with this issue methodically, work through it, and create what I feel I am meant to due to whatever multiplicity of drives constitutes my True Will.